Words in the margins

Hi Marcia,
I wrote this email last week, but I wasn't sure if I should send it. I have to honestly say that I do not have a lot of experience walking along side someone who is in deep mourning. You want to be helpful and encouraging, but it is not always clear what you should or should not do or say. So, I have decided to share the email with you in the hope that it will be helpful. We love you deeply.

J.P.

       Dear Marcia,

I am often deeply touched and inspired by the words underlined and written by Carlin in the margins of Charles Spurgeon's devotional book. There are reflections of his thoughts and indications of what captured his attention among the many ideas shared.

On April 10th, I see prophetic words, perhaps the last Carlin wrote in the book. These words are a beautiful promise from Jesus and speak of a loving Lord who walks with us. I know that these words must be deeply treasured as they speak of faithful assurance. The Lord's promises are true and they are full of blessing for those who love Him. I know that one day, each of us will have a chance to walk away with Him. Oh what a glorious day that will be. Our Father in heaven is full of loving-kindness, mercy and grace.

2 Corinthians 1:3 tells us that blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. Your story about meeting the woman at the garage is such a beautiful testimony to this truth.

I pray that we will be able to serve in the fullness of all that we experience in life, both in joy and suffering, and that we will be able to bring Him glory in all that we do.

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the whole earth to strengthen the hearts of those who are fully committed to Him. (2 Chronicles 16:9)

May the Lord bless you and keep you and turn His face towards you and give you peace.

Love,

J.P.

One Year Ago

Dear Marcia,

We’ve noticed on our calendar that it’s approaching a year since your lover, Carlin, and our friend, was taken from you and us to live forever with Jesus, the One he loved and served so enthusiastically.

What can we say, we’ve no experience to share that’s even close to what you’ve experienced for the past year. This last 18 month journey you’ve had to make on your own.

All of us, who love you dearly, have done what we could, to show our love and share your sorrow; however, your journey you’ve had to make mostly on your own. The quiet meals, the silent evenings, the empty bed beside you you’ve suffered alone. Only a loving God, who suffered the loss of His Son can really understand and say words of comfort to your heart and soul. He too suffered alone.

I’ve just read the devotional message our Mel gave to a couple who grew up in his church in Prince George. This couple, Murray and Rebecca, buried their 10 day old baby a few days ago, who died of a congenital malformation of her brain blood circulation. Mel and LaDonna drove from Edmonton to Prince George to speak at the memorial service. At our request he forwarded his notes to us. I’d like to share a small bit of his devotional with you. He spoke from Psalm 86.

Psalm 86:11-16  "Teach me Your way, Yahweh, and I will live by Your truth.  Give me an undivided mind to fear Your name. ¹² I will praise You with all my heart, Lord my God, and will honor Your name forever.
¹³ For Your faithful love for me is great, and You deliver my life from the depths of Sheol. ¹⁴ God, arrogant people have attacked me; a gang of ruthless men seeks my life.  They have no regard for You.
¹⁵ But You, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and rich in faithful love and truth.  ¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me.  Give Your strength to Your servant; save the son of Your female servant."

"Murray and Rebecca, we want to tell you that what we see in you is that you are not just wanting God to do something for you … you are desiring in this journey to learn from him so that you can become like him – Teach me your way … you are making a commitment, even in the face of this tough journey, to not allow yourself to develop a divided mind.   It is on the basis of that commitment that David asks God for one thing … Give your strength to your servant.”  And that, our dear friends, is perhaps the best way to summarize what we are praying for you today … and as you move forward … Lord, give your strength to these your dear servants.” 

We cannot say it better. Allow me to change the last line of Mel’s devotional for you: "Lord, give Your strength to our dear Marcia, your dear servant."

With our love,

George and Kay

A year without Carlin

Hello Marcia.

I have thought many times of you and Carlin this past year. Today I went searching for your email address and recalled that Joy Locken had sent it to me last year. I also had the blog address and read your recent entry. I was pleased that you shared your heart. Hopefully others will see it and continue to lift up your family to the Lord.

 

In our day we move on from event to event with such speed that we forget about the continuing impact of losses, accidents, tragedies of all kinds. Maybe we don't forget but we are so drawn into the next event that no time is given to really reflect on what has happened and how it affects "the survivors" - the ones who remain with memories and who struggle to face life in a new dimension. I think your comments were "right on". God, who gives us the faculty of memory also sustains us by helping us recall, not just what we have lost but also what we still have.

 

Carlin and I were good friends at Briercrest and I am confident that we would have become better friends if our lives had been more "entwined". Given the opportunity I am sure we would have "spurred one another on toward love and good deeds". Many years ago we had lunch together in Vancouver and I recall his pleasure in recounting that his children and grandchildren "loved Jesus". This was his heart (and yours too), to see succeeding generations follow the Lord. He did his part well and now you are left to love and lead them alone. May you have great joy (amidst the sorrow) as you build into your grandchildren's lives in the years ahead. There is no greater pleasure for old people like us!

 

I have marked in my calendar to pray for you on the 19th. Your name is beside Sarah, my oldest granddaughter who returns from Israel that day after 3 months in "on site studies". How exciting to see them "fly higher" than we ever dreamed possible. May your delights be just as refreshing.

 

Sincerely

 

Wayne Attwood

Muriel Attwood

Almost a Year

Each morning, among my devotional books, I read Carlin’s Morning By Morning by Charles H. Spurgeon.  As I hold this book, I know I am touching Carlin’s fingerprints, touching a book he treasured.  I am moved by the phrases he has underlined, and the dates and comments he has made in the margins.  Carlin was never into journaling, but, oh, yes, as you pick up any Bible or book he has read, there is obvious evidence of who he was and what meant a lot to him. 

 

Carlin was a tender hearted, gentle person.  I try to imagine what his joy must be as he is in the presence of Jesus now.

 

So, what am I left with?  Half a person sometimes.  I feel like my days now, near the anniversary of his death are with heavy feet, plodding along.  I shuffle through the memories of the last year, this time, with Carlin fading fast before my very eyes.  Then, came home hospice care, where he was put on morphine and other medications.  I’m still not sure if all that was necessary.  I know the morphine took him from me days before he actually breathed his last breath on April 19, 2014.

 

What a day to now mark as an anniversary!  I plan to go to the cemetery and sit a long while contemplating.  I will consider our almost 52 years together and how awesome God has been, as the song says, “Jesus led me all the way.”  I’ll think on Scripture verses.  I’ll praise Him for His tender love and care for Carlin, and now for me as I am charting out a different life. 

 

I am so very grateful for friends who seem to speak and listen at just the right moments.

 

I am so very grateful for “the cottage” which has been in need of some repairs, and I’m grateful how God has led me to people to help to pull it off.  One example:  we took out the old wood stove, and installed a gas insert fireplace.  Oh, how grateful I am for that!

 

I know my time of grieving is poignant.  I feel out of place in a grief group I attend once per month, and I feel in a different space just being in church Sunday by Sunday.  It’s hard to explain.  But it seems I want to change things—me, the older, mature, grieving woman.  I must remember it is just my space right now.

But I am grateful, so grateful, for God’s presence with me.

 

In another devotional book I read the other day, this jumped out at me:

“It is a great comfort to me to realize anew that it is God and only God I need.  ‘Thou, O Lord, art the thing I long for.’  Psalm 7:5.  Yes, it is He, my Lord, my Beloved Who satisfies my heart and makes me whole and strong however pressed the outward man may be.”

 

That’s pretty much it.  Praise!

Marcia

You and Carlin Blessed Me

Greetings Marcia.

As I was reading Colossians today I was reminded of your blog and my desire to write to you a year ago.

You probably don't remember me because I only met you once but that encounter left an impression on me. 

When I was 15 I began attending Willingdon and quickly joined the choir even though I wasn't  a believer, but I wanted to feel like I belonged,  like I had a family. 

I had a rocky childhood growing up more then poor on a reservation and when I started to attend church most of my family didn't understand since they had rough experiences in residential schools.

Well in 2004 I signed up for TREK and when it came time for us trekkers to invite people to our coffee and cake send off I had no family that wanted to come.

On the night of the event I saw you and Carlin in attendance and when it was time for people to pray for each group,  you two walked up and put your arms around me and prayed for my team. 

I was so Blessed by that,  you showed up and my heart still smiles when I think about it.

Thank you,  Leaha.

Carlin and a Wedding Song

Dear Marcia:

We often think fondly of you and Carlin.

The days surely bring many laughs from memories of that guy, but also many tears of missing him.

I thought you might like to read my February 15, 2015 Philippians Journal entry, cut ‘n pasted below.

Love in Christ,

Grahame for Grahame & Karen Nicolson

___________________________________________________________

 

February 15, 2015 Journal Entry

 

[Continuation of 5. Encouragement to Stand Firm, Striving for the Faith of the Gospel – 1:27-30]

Philippians 1:27-30: ²⁷ Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I will hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; ²⁸ in no way alarmed by your opponents—which is a sign of destruction for them, but of salvation for you, and that too, from God. ²⁹ For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, ³⁰ experiencing the same conflict which you saw in me, and now hear to be in me.

 

v.29: “For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake….”

 

The early morning hours of today found Karen and me in each other’s arms as we struggled over a serious family concern.  In our conversation and in my prayer, I quoted part of a hymn our old friend (now with the Lord he faithfully served) Carlin Weinhauer sang at our wedding: 

God be with them while they pray through a dark and troubled day….

                                                                               —from “God be with Them While They Stand” by Lawrence Tuttiett, 1825-1897

Yes, those dark and troubled days do come, but only in the master plan and under the control of our redeeming God.  To us all joys and trials are “granted”! 

 

Every joy or trial falleth from above, traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do; they who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

— from “Like a River Glorious” by Frances Ridley Havergal, 1836-1869

 

Sentence prayer: Once again as I face a troubled day, I come to You, dear Savior, trembling in Your arms that never tremble around me.

Christmas

Hi Marcia,

I just wanted to send you a quick email to tell you that you I will be praying for you during this first Christmas without your dear husband.

You have been on my mind lots these past few days. As you are well aware, these holidays are hard on the heart. (especially the "Firsts"!) 

I was reading your blog and loved one of the quotes… "That God will give you moments of joy to mix with the tears". What beautiful words. This is my prayer for you as well. Carlin is safe in heaven and I know you are rejoicing in that but your heart also aches and longs to be with him.

I pray that God will mend your broken heart. That He will hold you in the palm of his great big hands and give you the comfort and peace that you crave.

I also will be praying for your Children and your Grandchildren. Give my Lynda an extra big hug!

You have a special place in my heart!

Big Christmas Hugs,

Love

Rose Strohschein