How am I doing?

Dear Friends on the blog,

Where to begin?  The days are busy, tending to so many things, on both sides of the border.  I look forward to everything being in order, and for life to even out.  Yesterday I stopped by the beautiful cemetery where we buried Carlin.  It was time to remove the geraniums Cheri and I had placed there for the Memorial Day week.  I was happy to bring them home and plant them in the “Carlin Garden” container garden.  So precious.  Memories.  A tear.

 

When Ray asked me how I was doing, I thought about all the times I have felt a pure joy welling up within me, and then, the times of busyness, the details it seems I’ve been continually dealing with, the times I look at the chair where Carlin used to lay his clothes when he was getting ready for bed (oh. tears).  But I, so tangibly, know my tender Father’s care. 

 

The other day, while driving to yet another appointment to sign some papers, I was taken, overwhelmed, with a beautiful sense of being loved.  I felt such love, as if I were hugged.  As I mused on that, I thought it had to be my Father, again, who has promised to be a husband to the husbandless.  So, when I am asked how I am doing, I have to say I am walking in peace and assurance and joy.  There may be some who would chose to misunderstand that, and perhaps I am expressing it poorly.  You,  who have walked through the loss of a spouse would understand more clearly.  “Oh, how He loves you and me,” goes the old song.  I am so grateful.

 

One of Carlin’s dear friends, JP, who worked alongside Carlin at MBMission as, among other things, the IT guy, has been so helpful to me.  Dear, dear JP.

One day when he and his wife, Sam, were here, I asked JP what of Carlin’s could I give him.  He replied that he would really love to have a book that was special to Carlin.  We walked into the library. 

 

Where to start?  I reached over and pulled out Carlin’s Spurgeon’s devotional book, which Carlin has read every day over the past couple of years, making notations in the margins.  And he even noted the time when, after his prognosis, he had been awake during the night and in his spirit just asked God for something. He needed something.  And to Carlin, it was as if a voice—was it Jesus or angels—that said, “I will hold your hand, and we will walk away quietly together.” 

 

Well, with a catch in my heart, I gave JP that precious book.  Perhaps it would be a major thing in his life as it had been in Carlin’s.  The follow up to that story is that, after tending to business this past Monday, I dropped by our friends, Ron and Sandra’s home.  We had a really nice visit (friends are so precious).  Then Ron said, “Marcia, I bought a book for you” (people do give you books in an effort to comfort), and there in my hand I read,  “We Shall See GOD, Charles Spurgeon’s classic devotional thoughts on Heaven,” by Randy Alcorn.  I was so caught by once again, experiencing God’s tender care.  Coincidence?  Not a chance!  Carlin’s Spurgeon is back in my hands with expansion on Heaven.

 

I feel a strange thing these days when now I am forced to use the words, “I, me, mine” in relation to everything—the car, the house, the accounts, the insurances, life.  It doesn’t feel right.  So many years it has been “we, us, ours.”  It feels selfish, or something.  How singular life has become.  Where before, the way I thought (most of the time!) was for what was best for Carlin, how I could bless him, how I could do what he wanted to do. 

 

It’s now a new way of thinking.  I’ve also mused how it would be very easy as a single person to become self-absorbed, as now it is solely, what is best for Marcia, what blesses me, this is what I want to do.  My one protection against that is my relationship with God as He will keep me others focused, thinking what is best for so-and-so, what would bless her/him, and what can I do to facilitate what she or he wants to do.

 

A friend, Marg, unbeknownst to anyone, took a home video of Carlin’s May 2^nd graveside service and just a few days ago gave me three DVDs for the girls.  She apologized for it being a unedited thing, but it was a special gift.  People have offered yard work, dinners out, visits in, etc. continually and I am so blessed to have friends around.  I continue with my Bible study girls (all close to my age, but I still call them “girls”).  Precious friends.

 

More precious is how God ministers to my spirit.  Just a few days ago I read from one of my devotional books, Progress of Another Pilgrim by Frances J. Roberts, (it is written as if Jesus is speaking directly to you), “I will minister to you as you wait upon me . . .and I know precisely what you need. . .I will give you what you need for health of soul and strength of spirit.  Go your way in peace and in rejoicing.  The Lord your God is with you and will be your helper.”  How good is that?

 

Four days ago the phrase “Enoch walked with God and he was not for God took him” was going through my mind.  I mentioned it to some friends,

“Carlin walked with God and he was not for God took him.”  Indeed, it seems like that to me.  Gone from normal living in less than six weeks, and caught up to Heaven!  Pure joy, inexpressible joy for Carlin.  Love, as he never knew before—both his love for Jesus, and Jesus’ love for him.  I can imagine Carlin in all that.  When I think of Heaven, what time I have left before I join Carlin and all the hosts of Heaven is just o.k.

There’s only glory up ahead.

 

Thanks for your prayers (I know God is answering).  Thanks for reading my rambling.

God bless you all today.

Marcia

In Light of Eternity

God is so good, giving us gems and reminders of His tender love!   

Two nights ago we finished the little book, In Light of Eternity by Randy Alcorn.  In those last pages he tells a story about a painting he has hanging in his office.  With his permission, I am passing the blessing on to our blog friends.

“On my office wall hangs a beautiful painting by Ron DiCianni.  It’s entitled Safely Home. . .The painting portrays a man on his knees.  His clothing is worn and tattered.  He’s walked down a long strip of blood-red entry-carpet that has led him to the foot of a throne.

           The man’s arms dangle at his side.  He appears both exhausted and relieved, overcome with emotion.  His head rests on the chest of one kneeling down to him, holding him tight in a loving embrace.  The one hugging him has stepped down off the throne.  It’s the King, the Creator of the universe, who is also, incredibly, a man.  King Jesus.

            A few feet to the right are open shackles lying on the palace floor.  The man had been a prisoner on earth.  He’d suffered terribly at the hands of those who despised him because they despised His King.  In his right hand, hanging limply to the ground, is a beautiful gold crown.

            The man is a martyr.  He has lived out Revelation 2:10 — He’s been faithful unto death and his Lord has given him the crown of life.  To many, the single most important thing is the preservation of their life on earth.  To this man, obeying his Lord was more important than prolonging his earthly life.  He’s one of those who ‘did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death’ (Revelation 12:11).

            In the background of Safely Home stands an angel, reverently watching, holding out in his arms a white robe.  The angel is the man’s guardian.  In the stonework on both sides of the carpet walkway you can see the continents of earth below. 

            Several things strike me in this painting.  One is heaven’s view of earth below.  Another is the look on the man’s face, at long last freed from pain and persecution.  But what really strikes me is the look on the face of King Jesus.  He, too, is full of emotion.  His face radiates compassion and approval.  His nail-scarred hands drawing the martyr to himself, are silent testimony to the extent of his love.

            Ron could have named the painting Well Done or Overcomer or No Longer a Stranger or something else.   But he named it Safely Home.  This man who has endured great suffering is safely home at last.  The evil that pursued him in the Shadowlands can no longer touch him.  He’s forever beyond its reach, for between evil and the man stands the Lord of the Cosmos, the one who embraces him and says, ‘Never again will I let you suffer..’

            At the moment this is going on in heaven, I imagine down on earth a wife and children, perhaps a mother and father, a church of faithful believers.  They’re agonizing, understandably, over what has happened to their beloved one.  At the very moment they’re overwhelmed with grief, the one they mourn is overcome with joy.  For he is home at last .  Home for the very first time.

            To many people in the Shadowlands, this man has passed from life to death.  In fact, it is the opposite.  He has passed from death to life.  And one day his believing family will join him there.  Then the King will wipe away their tears too.

            Regarding heaven, Scripture doesn’t just say, ‘there will be no more tears.’  It says God ‘will wipe every tear from their eyes’ (Revelation 21:4).  This isn’t God snapping his fingers and drying all tears from a distance.  It’s a very intimate picture—it means God’s hands will touch the face of each individual child, to remove every tear.”

I am so moved by this story,  not because I view Carlin as a martyr, but because the same Jesus, King Jesus, will embrace him, and will wipe away all the tears.  Perhaps tears from the suffering of growing up in a broken family with a father that rejected him, perhaps tears where he wished he had done more, any tears.  What comfort to know Carlin will fall into the arms of a Heavenly Father, what comfort that Carlin will experience complete love, and full joy. 

It won’t be long now, our long time doctor friend, George says.

Thank you to all of you who have sent such fabulous, comforting letters.  Thank you to all of you who have stormed the gates of Heaven on Carlin’s behalf.

He sleeps a lot now—morphine and medications.

Love to you,

Marcia, for Carlin

Today's update

Carlin continues on, somewhat weaker every day. But he is thinking constantly about all the stuff he wants to have done here at the cottage.

He reaches down somewhere (or up There) for the extra oomph he needs for certain things. Yesterday, Saturday, was another work day, as two friends, JP and Gerry came to clean the chimney for our wood stove, and so the in-living room part, is ready to take to the company where we
bought the stove 22 years ago. The company will then put together a new chimney and install it someday in the near future. Phew.

The lawn was mowed and edged, and other projects around the yard were tended to. Thank you, JP and Gerry!

Mind you, a dear neighbor had a wheelchair we could borrow so Carlin could be out there supervising the job. Cheri and Lyndi, our two oldest daughters came from Abbotsford and Duncan yesterday, too, to be of help, doing things around the house, and doing some much needed weeding in the back garden. Oh, what a blessing it is just to have family here for a while every now and then.

Last weekend, the 5th and 6th, was when all our children (except Brenna, Cheri's youngest, who was in Washington, DC for a music festival --
where they won five top prizes) were here with us. It was a precious and special time. Carlin then shared the things he wished to pass on the children/grandchildren, and his story about how he chose Colossians as a life book to go to whenever he needed encouragement, wisdom, direction for life.

It is interesting how people have responded to that. JP shared yesterday that the day, the 12th of April, 2013, exactly a year ago to the day, was when we had loaned the use of the cottage to him as a prayer retreat regarding his future, and on that very day he had focused on Colossians 3:1-11 and it had been so meaningful to him. What a blessing to Carlin to hear these stories of how God has used Colossians in other people's lives as well.

There are all kinds of blessings, like having two binders with growing numbers of photocopied email letters, just as a tangible thing to go back to and reread whenever we desire. I read them to Carlin at times.

Every night, when it's time for bed, I give Carlin a foot, lower leg rub, and then read a few pages from a book about Heaven, called In Light of Eternity by Randy Alcorn. We're almost finished, and perhaps will go on to Joni Erickson's Heaven.

He is now content that I pray over him, whereas up until three days ago he also wanted to pray. Carlin's spirit is still strong. I think if he voiced it, the hardest thing about what he's going through is the loss of body strength, having to be tended to, having to have a morphine pump and another med to quiet his stomach. He is so grateful, though, that he can swallow a few sips of water as a result of that med.

Carlin is most grateful to friends who have come to offer help with the yard, and his "projects." (He wants things to be easier for me, I know, when he is gone. It does put extra stress on us, when sometimes it would be nice to just have quiet rest.)

We have planned the graveside service and the Memorial Service, to be held on a Friday and a Saturday. Some folks have had problems with our having set the days of the services, misreading it to mean a specific Friday and Saturday. Of course, we can't know which Friday and Saturday these services will be. But we are grateful to have these planned in advance.

Praise the Lord for dear friends, helpers. Praise the Lord for His sustaining grace. Praise the Lord He has gone to prepare a place for us. Praise the Lord for our Glorious Hope!

Love to everyone,

Marcia and Carlin