Special Blessing for our Anniversary

I want to share a special blessing I received in the mail yesterday. 

It was a parcel from Becky (our youngest daughter, living in CA).  The card inside with what she had written that moved me to tears: 

“Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad, I hope it’s appropriate to say that and still celebrate what August 11, 1962 was and always will be—the start of a wonderful relationship between you two as husband and wife.  You were a wonderful wife, Mom. 

Well done. 

Love you very much!  XO  Becky and boys.” 

The gift box has a bunch of little gifts individually wrapped, to be opened August 11, “that remind me of you, and I hope bring you a little joy on this day that will always be special.”  Tender heart.  Gracious Father!

Are you still doing the blog?

Time is passing swiftly by.  This is Carlin’s 112^th day in Heaven—but who is counting!  Truly, no one up there is!  I’m thinking Carlin is singing, laughing, rejoicing—and maybe even praying for his loved ones and friends here on earth.  There are some who believe they have Scriptural backing to believe that may be true.  I think of all the folks he must be enjoying there, as there are so many who have gone before!

 

Here we have so many things to do.  I’m occupied with lots.  There are many friends to be with and visit with.  There are repairs on the cottage.  Etc.  And I’ve been out and about.  Have you ever noticed how very much area is devoted to men’s clothing and accessories in department stores?  One of my first times out shopping I happened to walk into a store right into a men’s department, and my heart skipped a beat and my eyes got misty.  I muse how I notice them now.

 

Years ago Carlin asked me what would be an idea of gifts he could give me and what I would like, so without missing a beat I replied, “Oh, earrings.  I love earrings.”  From then on for every birthday, Valentines Day, Mother’s Day, Christmas, and other days he would give me earrings!  Though early on, he would sometimes return from a trip to some far country with rings—a diamond ring from Israel, an amethyst ring from Turkey, a Diana birthstone ring from somewhere else.  He gave me a 15 year anniversary ring, a 25 year anniversary ring and a 50 year anniversary ring.  Now, as our 52^nd anniversary approaches, I get a little teary.  Carlin had an amazing ability to choose the most appropriate and special cards.  I’ve kept many of them.

 

But back to the earring story.  For Valentine’s Day this year Carlin gave me a set of tri-gold, diamond cut earrings.  He was not well after that, that we noticed.  As I cared for him for his remaining weeks on earth I wore those earrings every day.  After Carlin passed away, I went to my drawer to get them again, and they were missing.  I looked everywhere, in every pocket, under every cushion, knowing as I slept on a mat on the floor next to Carlin’s hospital bed in the library, I may have taken them off and laid them on a side table.  I asked my Bible study girls to pray I would find them.  This was such a loss.  They were Carlin’s last gift to me. 

 

One day, a couple of weeks later, I was in a department store and just perused the jewelry cases, when there!  A pair of earrings like the ones Carlin had given me.  The price tag said $400.  I couldn’t believe he would spend that much.  Perhaps he had gotten them on a sale.  Or he perhaps realized this would be his last gift to me.  Again, the tears came to the surface.  Later a friend said, “Marcia, you must go and buy those earrings.”  Well, it took me a while to determine if I should. 

 

Yesterday there was a big sale at the store and I went once again, to check out the jewelry cases to see if those earrings were still there.  Yes, there was a pair very similar to Carlin’s.  And they were on sale at 60% off, and with coupons, I purchased them for $90.  Carlin would be pleased that I had gotten such a good deal!  Thank You, Lord.

 

As these days have passed since Carlin’s death, I have wished I could hear from you who read this blog.  Communication is comforting and inspiring.

 

I must tell you, how God is caring for me, is ever present with me, is such a joy to me.  Truly, when He said He would send a Comforter, there was a reason why that is His name!  Thank you to those who have included me in your prayers.  How I value friends.

 

Yesterday’s devotions included Psalm 30:11 and 12:  “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.  You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!”  Amen!  Yes!  Precious Jesus!

 

Blessings on your day!

Marcia

Lunch with friends

I am amazed there are still hits on the blog, now three months since Carlin passed away.  Every once in a while I read something that could go to the blog, I suppose.  It would be nice to hear what people would write back and interact with me sometimes.

 

Today I was out for lunch with two couples who have been dear friends of Carlin and I for years.  We were a three couple friendship often going out to eat together.  Today when I walked up to a table set for 5, it was so sadly obvious Carlin was missing.  Tears.  Among many things we talked about, we also talked about how immensely more difficult it would be to lose your spouse young with little children in the home.

 

I grieve by tears at odd times, and memories sometimes bring tears.  But I am experiencing God’s tender comforts and presence in the most precious ways.  I am not asking why.  I am not blaming God, nor am I feeling any anger.  He is precious, precious to me.  He has sent helpers when I’ve needed them.  And lots of times with friends.  I’ve been busy beyond what I would have imagined just tending to things that need to be tended to.

 

Tonight I watched the DVD of Carlin’s Memorial Service on the big screen.  I pray God will continue to use that service should people still pull it up on the blog.

Love you,

Marcia

How am I doing?

Dear Friends on the blog,

Where to begin?  The days are busy, tending to so many things, on both sides of the border.  I look forward to everything being in order, and for life to even out.  Yesterday I stopped by the beautiful cemetery where we buried Carlin.  It was time to remove the geraniums Cheri and I had placed there for the Memorial Day week.  I was happy to bring them home and plant them in the “Carlin Garden” container garden.  So precious.  Memories.  A tear.

 

When Ray asked me how I was doing, I thought about all the times I have felt a pure joy welling up within me, and then, the times of busyness, the details it seems I’ve been continually dealing with, the times I look at the chair where Carlin used to lay his clothes when he was getting ready for bed (oh. tears).  But I, so tangibly, know my tender Father’s care. 

 

The other day, while driving to yet another appointment to sign some papers, I was taken, overwhelmed, with a beautiful sense of being loved.  I felt such love, as if I were hugged.  As I mused on that, I thought it had to be my Father, again, who has promised to be a husband to the husbandless.  So, when I am asked how I am doing, I have to say I am walking in peace and assurance and joy.  There may be some who would chose to misunderstand that, and perhaps I am expressing it poorly.  You,  who have walked through the loss of a spouse would understand more clearly.  “Oh, how He loves you and me,” goes the old song.  I am so grateful.

 

One of Carlin’s dear friends, JP, who worked alongside Carlin at MBMission as, among other things, the IT guy, has been so helpful to me.  Dear, dear JP.

One day when he and his wife, Sam, were here, I asked JP what of Carlin’s could I give him.  He replied that he would really love to have a book that was special to Carlin.  We walked into the library. 

 

Where to start?  I reached over and pulled out Carlin’s Spurgeon’s devotional book, which Carlin has read every day over the past couple of years, making notations in the margins.  And he even noted the time when, after his prognosis, he had been awake during the night and in his spirit just asked God for something. He needed something.  And to Carlin, it was as if a voice—was it Jesus or angels—that said, “I will hold your hand, and we will walk away quietly together.” 

 

Well, with a catch in my heart, I gave JP that precious book.  Perhaps it would be a major thing in his life as it had been in Carlin’s.  The follow up to that story is that, after tending to business this past Monday, I dropped by our friends, Ron and Sandra’s home.  We had a really nice visit (friends are so precious).  Then Ron said, “Marcia, I bought a book for you” (people do give you books in an effort to comfort), and there in my hand I read,  “We Shall See GOD, Charles Spurgeon’s classic devotional thoughts on Heaven,” by Randy Alcorn.  I was so caught by once again, experiencing God’s tender care.  Coincidence?  Not a chance!  Carlin’s Spurgeon is back in my hands with expansion on Heaven.

 

I feel a strange thing these days when now I am forced to use the words, “I, me, mine” in relation to everything—the car, the house, the accounts, the insurances, life.  It doesn’t feel right.  So many years it has been “we, us, ours.”  It feels selfish, or something.  How singular life has become.  Where before, the way I thought (most of the time!) was for what was best for Carlin, how I could bless him, how I could do what he wanted to do. 

 

It’s now a new way of thinking.  I’ve also mused how it would be very easy as a single person to become self-absorbed, as now it is solely, what is best for Marcia, what blesses me, this is what I want to do.  My one protection against that is my relationship with God as He will keep me others focused, thinking what is best for so-and-so, what would bless her/him, and what can I do to facilitate what she or he wants to do.

 

A friend, Marg, unbeknownst to anyone, took a home video of Carlin’s May 2^nd graveside service and just a few days ago gave me three DVDs for the girls.  She apologized for it being a unedited thing, but it was a special gift.  People have offered yard work, dinners out, visits in, etc. continually and I am so blessed to have friends around.  I continue with my Bible study girls (all close to my age, but I still call them “girls”).  Precious friends.

 

More precious is how God ministers to my spirit.  Just a few days ago I read from one of my devotional books, Progress of Another Pilgrim by Frances J. Roberts, (it is written as if Jesus is speaking directly to you), “I will minister to you as you wait upon me . . .and I know precisely what you need. . .I will give you what you need for health of soul and strength of spirit.  Go your way in peace and in rejoicing.  The Lord your God is with you and will be your helper.”  How good is that?

 

Four days ago the phrase “Enoch walked with God and he was not for God took him” was going through my mind.  I mentioned it to some friends,

“Carlin walked with God and he was not for God took him.”  Indeed, it seems like that to me.  Gone from normal living in less than six weeks, and caught up to Heaven!  Pure joy, inexpressible joy for Carlin.  Love, as he never knew before—both his love for Jesus, and Jesus’ love for him.  I can imagine Carlin in all that.  When I think of Heaven, what time I have left before I join Carlin and all the hosts of Heaven is just o.k.

There’s only glory up ahead.

 

Thanks for your prayers (I know God is answering).  Thanks for reading my rambling.

God bless you all today.

Marcia

I miss Carlin

Dear friends,

There are no words to describe what has happened and is happening within me since Carlin’s illness and passing!  I miss Carlin.  That doesn’t tell adequately or accurately what it is.

 

I experience times of such amazing peace and assurance it thrills me, and I know it is my tender Father’s care.  I praise Him for His Spirit within me!  There are tears.  Memories.  Unbelief that he is really gone.  And I always come back to thinking how committed Carlin was to serving God, and accepting every opportunity as God‘s appointment.  In his last two months, just before the diagnosis, I wondered at a reluctance to accept opportunities and decided he was tired from the mountains of things we did in the last six months.  Perhaps he was realizing he was not well.  I chose to believe the Father looked down from Heaven and said, “OK Carlin, everything I had planned for you to be and do is accomplished, come on Home!”

 

Oh, I have received such precious letters and cards and notes!  I have had such wonderful times with dear friends who come to visit.  And times with dear neighbors.  Laughter and sadness.  Again, inadequacy to describe.  Joy.  Praise.

 

The following poem came in a card a few days ago from a dear elderly friend, written out in script:

 

  The things you loved I have not put away

               To molder in the darkness year by year

  The songs you sang, The books you read

Each day are all around me, intimate and dear.

 

  I do not keep your chair a thing apart,

Lonely and empty—desolate to view

  But if one comes a-weary, sick at heart

               I seat him there and comfort him for you.

 

  I do not go apart in grief and weep

               For I have known your tenderness and care;

  Such memories are joys, that we may keep

               And so I pray for those whose lives are bare.

 

  I may not daily go and scatter flowers where you are sleeping

               Neath the sun and dew

  But if one lies in pain through weary hours

               I send flowers there, dear heart, for you.

 

  Life claims our best, you would not have me waste

               A single day in selfish idle woe,

  I fancy that I hear you bid me haste        

               Lest I should sadly falter as I go.

 

  Perchance so much that now seems incomplete

               Was left for me in my poor way to do,

  And I shall love to tell you when we meet—

               That I have done your errands, dear, for you!

                                             Martha Snell Nicholson

 

 

 

---

Here is a letter I received last week from a dear friend that was so tender.  He eloquently expressed words from a heart that knows how to comfort.  People who pray are so precious.  I am indebted to all the folks who have prayed and are praying.  How else would I know such comfort?

Here is part of his letter:

---

I want you to know that I am available whenever you need me. You can let me know if there is a good time to do something for you. I am happy to come down to the cottage. If you just want me to send you some instructions on how to do something on the computer or BB, I can do that as well. I want so very much to be helpful but without being a bother. There is no rush on anything so we can do things as it works best for you.

 

I wish there was more I could do to help during this time. I will keep on praying. I will pray that you will feel our heavenly Father's loving arms embrace you. May He hold you up when you lack the strength to stand. May He carry you when you lack the strength to walk. May He weep for you when your eyes have run out of tears. May He bring you rest when the weariness provides none. May He bless you and keep you close always.

 

We love you a lot Marcia. We miss Carlin too.

 

J.P.

Carlin is now Safely Home

Carlin passed away into the arms of Jesus this morning at 7 a.m. Pacific time.

Oh, when God called him Home, He chose to do it quickly.   He was asleep. 

 

I am so very grateful to our tender Heavenly Father for His care of Carlin over these past weeks.  It has been only 5 weeks and 5 days since diagnosis, and it has been fast, though in some ways it has seemed much longer.  What an amazing journey, from seeming full health to stepping into Glory. 

 

We smile when we think that God took him on Easter weekend.  Our Lynda laughed through tears as she said, “Isn’t this just like Dad, to go at a big event!  He liked big events.”  We all agree.

 

I had been up several times with him during the night last night, tending to his needs, and then lying back down on my mat beside his bed.  A nurse had told me last week that I needed to be close in case he tried to get out of bed, and would fall.  So I had a good mat there. 

 

At 4:30 I was awake (when I talked with our three daughters this morning, they all said they were awake as well) and I just started praying, out real loud, so I could be sure Carlin would hear my voice, and I prayed over everything.  I prayed loudly over the upcoming graveside service and the Memorial Service, I prayed over everyone individually who will be involved, I prayed that God would prepare people-- everyone who will come and be in attendance, that God in His mighty power and by His Spirit would do amazing things in peoples’ hearts, and that there would be more people in the Kingdom because of this final thing/part of Carlin’s ministry on earth.  

 

I prayed through Scripture promises, and for family and others, and praised God, as I went through His attributes, etc., etc., etc. for about an hour and a half.  Then I went to the kitchen to get breakfast, went back and stood at the foot of Carlin’s bed and prayed some more.  I picked up all the pieces of my mat and tucked them away, and swept up the floor.  (Carlin had been losing a lot of hair because of his chemo infusion.)  A nurse was expected later today.  Then I went back to the kitchen to get my cup of coffee, and to start the computers—Carlin’s and mine—to see if there had been  any overnight mail.  That was when I went back to check on Carlin and found he was gone.  I could tell immediately.  It was written on his face.  I watched for breathing movement on his quilt, and felt for his heartbeat, and then tears and sobs were all over the place.

 

Oh.  It is so overwhelming to think he is gone.  It feels like I am in a vast ocean, with huge swells / waves of grief and then quiet moments of assurances, then another wave.  You who have lost someone know exactly what that is.  It is a new experience to walk through.

 

How grateful I am to God for what he gave me in Carlin.  What a life.  We did so much together.  I am so grateful that God is my “Portion and my Cup” for now and for whatever days God leaves me here on earth.  I have every reason to treasure Heaven more than ever before.  Oh, I wish I could see the reunion in Heaven today!

 

I am so grateful for my precious family.  Cheri and Lynda are coming to stay with me for a couple of days.  Yesterday Cheri and Howard were here and Howard sat with Carlin to tell him all he wanted to of appreciation for their relationship and he sat and sang to Carlin.  Other dear friends have come several times to sing over him and pray over him. 

 

There will be a graveside service for Carlin on Friday, May 2.   The Memorial Service for Carlin will be at Willingdon Church, 4812 Willingdon Ave., Burnaby, BC at 10:00 a.m. on Saturday, May 3.  Pray that great glory will be brought to Jesus’ name.

 

Thank you for following Carlin’s journey over these past days. 

Special thanks to you, Ray, for what you have done for Carlin and I.  Truly a gift that has reached out, informed, and helped us to process the journey.

 

Love to you all,

Marcia and family

 

For posting tributes to this blog email them to:

CarlinAndMarcia@gmail.com