God orchestrates

I'm here at the cemetery. The headstone was installed this week. It looks really nice.

I stood here thinking over how our God so orchestrates our lives, how I married Carlin, how we lived, how God so beautifully gave us our wonderful girls and then their families. So blessed.

Tender Father, thank You for loving us, for keeping us all those 51 plus years. I am so comforted to know the steps forward are also orchestrated by my God!
Wish you were here. Love to all of you. Mom--Marcia

 

Five months

Dear Friends of the Blog,

It was five months ago yesterday that Carlin entered into GLORY! 

Do you ever wish you knew more about what loved ones who have died have experienced over the time since they passed away?  I sometimes wonder why we were not given more details, but then I come back to the fact that it must be so far beyond our human ability to comprehend, that He gave us just bits of information.  When we get there I imagine we will say, "Oh that's what that verse was talking about!"

I am learning to handle life alone, amongst many friends and loved ones, I am alone.  Not lonely, though, which I'm sure is hard to understand.  I told friends yesterday that some of the time I feel strong and able for anything, and then I have bits of time when I feel as fragile as a feather blowing in the wind.  There are bright, beautiful, wonderful days, and there are dreary days—and I'm not talking about the weather.  Devotions are precious times of hearing my Father talk to me.  I praise Him for His presence.

A dear friend has written a book called Caring for Widows, You and Your Church Can Make a Difference.  (Wesley M. Teterud, Baker Publishing, ISBN 0-8010-8909-3)  I read it a few years ago, and then I read it after Carlin passed away.  It was more profound this last time.  It's a very practical, well written book.  I've recently given a copy to my church leaders, as they are beginning to make plans on how to minister to widows.  I've been asked to be a resource person with them as well as with a funeral director in Bellingham, who wants to begin a drop in place for widows.

It is interesting how folks want to talk with you.  Many say, "How are you doing?"  And of course, "I'm fine," is the correct answer to the question.  Some offer specific help.  "Would you like me to come mow your lawn on Tuesday?"  Widows need help, I think, especially initially as there are so many details to be tended to, so many things they now need to learn to handle alone.  We would like to be the one doing for others, and find it hard to dredge up something others could do for you when they ask, "Is there something I could do?"  Everything costs money, services cost money which we have to be careful about, so acts of service from fellow believers is truly a blessing and a gift.  Abundantly appreciated.

I have a sister and sister-in-law in failing health who need my care.  I am weighing when I can travel to be with them and if I'm up to it yet.  Thank you for praying and caring.  God will bless you for it.

Love,

Marcia

Thinking of you today

Hi Marcia,

 

I was thinking of you today and thought I’d check in. I took a look at your blog, and sure enough, found some updates from you. Thank you for your open life as you walk through this valley. I still think of Carlin’s interest in using technology and how pleased he would be that technology has been a tool to bring and to send messages of comfort.

 

We’ve just gone through another valley from afar, with the death of Hugo Reimer. Hugo was the pastor who prayed with Bob when Bob decided it was time to give his life control back to God. As we had prayed with and for them through their journey, it was a fresh heart wrenching a week and a half ago when Connie and their daughter Rinette were back in our Vanderhoof church and talked with the church family.

 

So hard to understand God’s timing and plan.

 

I can’t remember who it was I was talking with about Carlin’s memorial service – likely either Mel Fehr or Denis Federau. I had commented on how heart encouraging it was. Either Mel or Denis had quickly responded with, “That wasn’t a service; that was a benediction.” I agreed. It felt as though you and Carlin had planned the service as a gift to those who were there, in the way you pointed us all to the one who gives life. It is great that others are able to watch it.

 

We pray for you and the girls and their families often as you come to mind. As the uninvited tears start to show up less often and as your heart starts to adjust to feeling warm as you put on the earrings rather than sad, my prayer is for you to have a sense of purpose in your days. I’m so glad for your continued connection with friends. Blessing on you Marcia.

 

June

Special Blessing for our Anniversary

I want to share a special blessing I received in the mail yesterday. 

It was a parcel from Becky (our youngest daughter, living in CA).  The card inside with what she had written that moved me to tears: 

“Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad, I hope it’s appropriate to say that and still celebrate what August 11, 1962 was and always will be—the start of a wonderful relationship between you two as husband and wife.  You were a wonderful wife, Mom. 

Well done. 

Love you very much!  XO  Becky and boys.” 

The gift box has a bunch of little gifts individually wrapped, to be opened August 11, “that remind me of you, and I hope bring you a little joy on this day that will always be special.”  Tender heart.  Gracious Father!

Are you still doing the blog?

Time is passing swiftly by.  This is Carlin’s 112^th day in Heaven—but who is counting!  Truly, no one up there is!  I’m thinking Carlin is singing, laughing, rejoicing—and maybe even praying for his loved ones and friends here on earth.  There are some who believe they have Scriptural backing to believe that may be true.  I think of all the folks he must be enjoying there, as there are so many who have gone before!

 

Here we have so many things to do.  I’m occupied with lots.  There are many friends to be with and visit with.  There are repairs on the cottage.  Etc.  And I’ve been out and about.  Have you ever noticed how very much area is devoted to men’s clothing and accessories in department stores?  One of my first times out shopping I happened to walk into a store right into a men’s department, and my heart skipped a beat and my eyes got misty.  I muse how I notice them now.

 

Years ago Carlin asked me what would be an idea of gifts he could give me and what I would like, so without missing a beat I replied, “Oh, earrings.  I love earrings.”  From then on for every birthday, Valentines Day, Mother’s Day, Christmas, and other days he would give me earrings!  Though early on, he would sometimes return from a trip to some far country with rings—a diamond ring from Israel, an amethyst ring from Turkey, a Diana birthstone ring from somewhere else.  He gave me a 15 year anniversary ring, a 25 year anniversary ring and a 50 year anniversary ring.  Now, as our 52^nd anniversary approaches, I get a little teary.  Carlin had an amazing ability to choose the most appropriate and special cards.  I’ve kept many of them.

 

But back to the earring story.  For Valentine’s Day this year Carlin gave me a set of tri-gold, diamond cut earrings.  He was not well after that, that we noticed.  As I cared for him for his remaining weeks on earth I wore those earrings every day.  After Carlin passed away, I went to my drawer to get them again, and they were missing.  I looked everywhere, in every pocket, under every cushion, knowing as I slept on a mat on the floor next to Carlin’s hospital bed in the library, I may have taken them off and laid them on a side table.  I asked my Bible study girls to pray I would find them.  This was such a loss.  They were Carlin’s last gift to me. 

 

One day, a couple of weeks later, I was in a department store and just perused the jewelry cases, when there!  A pair of earrings like the ones Carlin had given me.  The price tag said $400.  I couldn’t believe he would spend that much.  Perhaps he had gotten them on a sale.  Or he perhaps realized this would be his last gift to me.  Again, the tears came to the surface.  Later a friend said, “Marcia, you must go and buy those earrings.”  Well, it took me a while to determine if I should. 

 

Yesterday there was a big sale at the store and I went once again, to check out the jewelry cases to see if those earrings were still there.  Yes, there was a pair very similar to Carlin’s.  And they were on sale at 60% off, and with coupons, I purchased them for $90.  Carlin would be pleased that I had gotten such a good deal!  Thank You, Lord.

 

As these days have passed since Carlin’s death, I have wished I could hear from you who read this blog.  Communication is comforting and inspiring.

 

I must tell you, how God is caring for me, is ever present with me, is such a joy to me.  Truly, when He said He would send a Comforter, there was a reason why that is His name!  Thank you to those who have included me in your prayers.  How I value friends.

 

Yesterday’s devotions included Psalm 30:11 and 12:  “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.  You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!”  Amen!  Yes!  Precious Jesus!

 

Blessings on your day!

Marcia

I Was Privileged to Witness the Love

Hi Mrs. Weinhauer!

It's Lynda's buddy Rose from Caronport.
I just found out that your dear husband just recently passed away. I was saddened for you all but beyond thrilled for him. You were my family away from home while I attended Caronport and I was privileged to witness the love you both had for each other and for your children.
I wanted to offer our sincere condolences from my family to yours. I haven't talked to Lynda for so long and miss her and her family. Please say hi from me.

I'm not sure if Lynda already knows this, but my husband Cam was very sick with pancreatic cancer for several years. It started the fall of 2011 (shortly after we celebrated our 25th anniversary). He had whipple surgery for it, as well as chemotherapy for 6 months. He was very sick  but after about a year and a half he started to really improve. We thought God had healed him but were shocked when the Oncologist said the cancer had spread and he only had 3 months to live. We celebrated life with him and he shared his testimony with whoever would listen to him. He was a changed man and I'm sure there were many seeds planted as a result of his life and how he dealt with his sickness. Never did we hear 1 word of complaint. Not once. He suffered horribly those last few weeks and I was so relieved when he died just a few days after his 50th birthday last July. As a nurse, I have seen many people pass into eternity but I have never seen a smile like I saw on Cam's face. It was the most incredible thing to witness after all the pain he had just endured. I know he is dancing in heaven!!

He was most concerned about Tia (who has special needs) and I. God is so incredible and through a miracle in itself and another story… I married a very precious man who has taken over where Cam left off. He is  the most amazing man and father figure for Tia. Cam's parents and siblings were so thrilled. They knew Gery from before.  We were just recently married and I am now living 3 doors down from our house. I never saw that coming but God knew and He is good.

Anyway, big hugs to you and all your family!

Much love and prayers being sent your way.

Rose



 

Lunch with friends

I am amazed there are still hits on the blog, now three months since Carlin passed away.  Every once in a while I read something that could go to the blog, I suppose.  It would be nice to hear what people would write back and interact with me sometimes.

 

Today I was out for lunch with two couples who have been dear friends of Carlin and I for years.  We were a three couple friendship often going out to eat together.  Today when I walked up to a table set for 5, it was so sadly obvious Carlin was missing.  Tears.  Among many things we talked about, we also talked about how immensely more difficult it would be to lose your spouse young with little children in the home.

 

I grieve by tears at odd times, and memories sometimes bring tears.  But I am experiencing God’s tender comforts and presence in the most precious ways.  I am not asking why.  I am not blaming God, nor am I feeling any anger.  He is precious, precious to me.  He has sent helpers when I’ve needed them.  And lots of times with friends.  I’ve been busy beyond what I would have imagined just tending to things that need to be tended to.

 

Tonight I watched the DVD of Carlin’s Memorial Service on the big screen.  I pray God will continue to use that service should people still pull it up on the blog.

Love you,

Marcia